it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
