i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
