Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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