Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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