You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
