remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
