shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You made out with two different species that night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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