Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
