Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
