just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
