The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
