Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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