Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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