3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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