there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
