Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
COCAINE IS GR8
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
