I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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