just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
