i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
