honey bunches of taint.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
