Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
