I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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