I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
