Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
