better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The air was thick with penises
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At least life still wants to fuck me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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