found the other keg... it's in the tree
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
