i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
where am i from again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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