I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
