This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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