dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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