I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
