If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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