yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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