I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
