It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
