No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
