i barfeds in our rink
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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