please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
