And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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