I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
