I wish I could teleport
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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