Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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