i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
