just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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