i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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