Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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