Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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