god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
