not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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