I met the friendliest cop last night
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
