I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
