lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
