so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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