i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize