We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
