Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
