I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
