love makes seman taste better
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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