i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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