You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They took my balls.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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