That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
