you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
