Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
