I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
