dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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